I find myself at a very strange place in life. At 48 years old I feel like I should be in the middle of an established career, beginning to see the fruits of years of hard work, enjoying the stability of middle age and building my nest egg for retirement. Instead I find myself starting all over, planting a new church from scratch, helping my wife start a new business, trying to learn new skills.
The last two years were filled with hard work that was seemingly for nought, numerous betrayals by people I had respected and a realization that everyone you love doesn’t always love you back. My soul is wounded, my mind is confused and my body is tired. I find myself questioning my past decisions and struggling with numerous “what ifs.” Self pity is never far away and bitterness could make an appearance at any moment if I were to leave the slightest crack in the door.
Having said all of that, baring my soul all, I have one more thing to say.
“I FEEL GOOD!” (sung in my best James Brown voice). I have an abiding peace in my soul and an unexplainable confidence that God has got me right where he wants me.
I have never been one to be satisfied with the ordinary and the status quo often bores me. God knows me well and has kept things pretty lively over the last 26 years of traveling with Him. As I write this a scripture comes to mind.
Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Times of transition are often God’s way of revealing to us new things, leading us to new experiences, and showing us things we never dreamed of before. Life is in the living of it and not just in the attaining of stuff. Real life is in experience not just existence. I want to go toe to toe with life for the full 15 rounds and smile when the final bell sounds.
God today I call on you, I know you will answer me. Show me things I never knew before. Amen!
So to my friends who have prayed for me, my foes who have celebrated my impending demise, and the majority of the world who has not had the pleasure of meeting me yet, let me leave you with words of that great theologian, the Autolite Spark plug, “Hey, we’re the Autolites, so go pull the plug on someone else!